"From Garbo To GTL & Grenades"

Just had a conversation with my Mom (born in 1930, a feisty, cultured, beautiful, former professional actress, and intellectual eighty year old) about college students.  She seems to think all they do  when they get into trouble is drink and make out or have sex.  I said no the girls lie down on top of bars and have guys do shots off their navels, the girls kiss other girls to show off to the guys, they have sex on the beach, pee on the side of public buildings, get into bar, nightclub, and street fights, resist arrest, get their wallets stolen while watching women flash their breasts on balconies wearing mardi gras beads, smoke pot, do drugs and overdose, pass out from alcohol poisoning, have tailgate parties, hazing rituals that are illegal, have cops arrest them for underage drinking, public intoxication, back talking police officers, jay walking while drunk, slipping roofies into girls drinks resulting in date rape, noise disturbances from partying, trespassing.

Have threesomes of all variations, hookup with random people without even knowing their names, have sex with MILF’s & Cougars, develop STDs, have abortions, wind up in rehab and walk out, get addicted to internet porn, frequent strip clubs, drive while drunk or high, speed and have car races while drunk or high, cheat on their girlfriends/boyfriends by signing up on internet dating sites, clubbing, bar hopping, going to other campus’ kegger’s, Facebook, Twitter, instant messaging, video chatting, e-mailing, texting, hire strippers and call girls for frat parties, have sex in bar/club bathrooms with random people using no protection, and challenge each other as to who can do the craziest most immoral acts on the planet to get into or stay in a fraternity or sorority.

I say Mom, you need to watch MTV’s “Jersey Shore” and G4’s “Campus PD” with me. Then you’ll understand what I’m talking about. I dared myself to read Tucker Max’s book “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” whereupon this generations women totally validated Dave Chappelle’s statement in his Washington DC “Killin’ Them Softly” stand up routine that “Chivalry Is Dead And Women Killed It. “Its quite scary and sad that theres no morals and values anymore,” I told my mom.

 (Although I must admit Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure, Pauly D is a hunk, and yes I will be tuning in for Season 3 on Thursday, January 6th 2011!) Cant wait to see the “grenade horn” that “Mike, The Situation” blows on top of the roof having Pauly D laughing till his six pack hurts.  But if I had younger kids would I let them watch the show? No, I would not.

My Mom asked me what would you do if your kids were college age and did something you just told me about.  I said “Tough Hard As Nails Love.” What do you mean?”, she asked.  No more college tuition, no more paying off campus rent, closed bank account and credit cards (if my name is involved) changed locks on the front doors at home, telling local police my son or daughter is not allowed in the house again till they’ve straightened up.  My tough love part two would be for them to do some of the following:  Become an EMT, (Emergency Medical Technician), college campus counselor, volunteer at a local hospital emergency room, participate in safe rides, and/or visit prisons to hear the inmates stories to prevent them from winding up in jail.

“And this is what parents pay for when they pay for college?  Twenty something hedonism, and debauchery?”  (I told you my Mom’s a crossword puzzle verbiage whiz.) “Yes Mom,” I replied, “But if you raise them with good morals and values that’s the best ammunition they can bring with them to protect themselves and stay on track.”  “When you have college age kids I’ll pray for you,” she replied.  “Thanks”, I responded.  “I’m sure as hell going to need it.”